By: Grace Sill
I recently completed an application that asked me to “describe your family background, including family of origin.” When I first read this question, I immediate disliked the phrase, “family of origin.” Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines “origin” as a “rise, beginning, or derivation from a source” or as “the point at which something begins or rises or from which it derives.” Reflecting on this definition, I realized that I was dissatisfied with the idea that our family of origin is singular—that we come from one family and one place.
While the application question invited me to talk about my adoption, I struggled to definitively name which family I originated from because my life is the result of a community of families. There are many people and places and families who are a part of the story of where I am from and how my life has been shaped.
In the most biological understanding of “family of origin,” my birth family is the family my body physically originated from. I am ethnically Chinese, and DNA testing confirmed this. In a more traditional understanding of family, my adoptive family is the family who raised me. From ages 1 to 18, I lived in Pensacola, Florida with my mom and one brother, who is also adopted from China.
While my adoptive family has been with me since I was a baby, their impact in my life has always been one part (a large part, but still only one part) of the overall puzzle that describes me. As an adoptee, my family also includes people in my life who love and care for me throughout different stages of my life. In conjunction with my adoptive family, my communities from Adopteen and college have also been important families from which my present self originates. These families may have different responsibilities than my adoptive family, but they are still family.
In high school, I became involved with The Park and Adopteen through the Adoptees Giving Back Orphanage Service Trip (AGBOST). Over Christmas 2015, my brother and I spent two weeks in Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province with 10 other Chinese adoptees. I was not sure what it would be like to meet so many other adoptees, but I quickly realized how special this community was. Our backgrounds and adoption narratives were both relatable and different. We shared unspoken understandings about the experiences of being Chinese American adoptee, and we shared a spectrum of emotions around returning to China, but we also learned so much from one another’s diverse interests and lives in the U.S.
Becoming a part of Adopteen’s family introduced me to people who encouraged me to embrace my unique identities and random interests. I became more confident, and as an introvert, I enjoyed healthy doses of spontaneity. Without AGBOST, I would never have learned about Amy Zhong’s and I competitiveness around and talent for staring contests. In China, Amy lost after 17 minutes 56 seconds, but back in the U.S. at the D.C. camp-conference, Amy lost after an astounding 1 hour and 25 minutes!
Attending college at Florida Southern College, I once again found myself far from my hometown community and the people I knew. My experiences and relationships at Adopteen reminded me that my life is more meaningful with those who encourage me to embrace my authentic identities and interests. While exploring student clubs, I befriended people who welcomed my identities as a humanities scholar, a lover of fries, an athlete, and of course, as an adoptee. One of the places this feeling of belonging and family was strongest was in my college’s orchestra.
From the first day of orchestra, walking in to join the cello section, and sitting down next to the person who would end up being my stand partner for the entire duration of my time in the orchestra, I knew I had found a great group of people. I became especially close to other members of the cello section. We became a family as we created music together. During orchestra rehearsals and performances, our sound blended to become the powerful cello section of the orchestra. Outside of orchestra, we celebrated birthdays by having dinner in Disney Springs and took fun weekend trips to Asian bakeries in Tampa.
Altogether, I inherited a Chinese cultural heritage from my birth family, and my adoptive family gave me an American cultural heritage and supported my interests in joining Adopteen and learning cello. The Adopteen family gave me the confidence to say yes to new experiences, and my college families have supported me through the challenges and joys of pursuing new opportunities that have brought me to Taiwan and now graduate school in Boston.
In the end, my character and who I am today is not the product of a singular “family of origin.” Being adopted has made inclusive and expansive understandings of family a prominent part of my life, but I also believe it is true for many people—adoptees and non-adoptees alike—that we are raised and nurtured by many families in our lives. As an adoptee, I am proud to share where my identity and experiences as an adoptee can teach others about family, including the expansiveness and plurality of our families of origin.
