By: Maddie Gustafson
Introduction
As adoptees enter adulthood, typically around the age of 23 and beyond, they often face a unique journey of self-discovery and identity formation marked by a growing sense of self-acceptance and integration of their adoption story into their broader sense of who they are. Major life events such as starting a romantic relationship, having children, or dealing with health scares can prompt deeper reflections on their adopted status and what it means to be them. These milestones, while common to all adults, may take on added significance for adoptees, as they navigate the complexities of their past and how it intertwines with their present. Understanding and accepting their multifaceted identity becomes a dynamic process, where life experiences challenge them to integrate their adoption story with the adult life they are building, seeking a sense of belonging and wholeness in a world that often feels divided between the past and present.
Questions Adoptees May Have
As adoptees age, their questions about adoption often become more personal, reflecting their goals for the future. These questions grow as they navigate new experiences, relationships, and responsibilities in adulthood. Many adoptees ask, “How does my race and/or adoption affect my life?” as they explore how their identity shapes their interactions with the world and how they are perceived. As they form long-term relationships, they may wonder, “How does my adoption affect my relationships?” reflecting on how past experiences of abandonment and separation influence trust, intimacy, and connection. They may also consider how their partner’s race and background impact their relationship dynamics. Parenthood brings new questions like, “Will my experience as an adoptee affect how I parent my own children?” Some adoptees are drawn to adoption, while others prefer biological children or a mix. Regardless of their choice, adoptees must consider how their upbringing influences their approach to parenting, particularly in emotional attachment and identity. Health challenges may lead adoptees to ask, “How will I advocate for myself in healthcare?” especially when medical history is unknown, prompting some to pursue genetic testing or search for biological relatives. Finally, adoptees may ask, “Will my identity influence my career?” Their adoption and racial background can shape career choices, especially in fields like social work, therapy, and advocacy, where they feel compelled to make an impact. These questions are central to an adoptee’s journey of self-discovery, helping them understand how adoption affects their relationships, health, and career.
Events
Long Term Relationships
When it comes to long-term relationships, the race of an adoptee’s partner can play a significant role in their preferences, though it varies greatly from person to person. Some adoptees may prefer partners who share the same racial background, as they might find it easier to connect due to shared experiences or cultural understanding. This is especially true for those who were adopted into a different racial or cultural environment, where they might feel a stronger bond with someone who can relate to their unique challenges. On the other hand, some adoptees may find themselves more attracted to partners of a different race, particularly if they grew up in a predominantly White culture and feel more comfortable in that context. For others, race may not be a determining factor at all, with personality traits and shared values taking precedence over external characteristics. The choice of a life partner is deeply personal, and while race can influence attraction or connection, it is just one of many factors that shape the dynamics of a long-term relationship.
Children
For many adoptees, the decision to have children is a deeply personal one, influenced by a variety of factors, including their own experiences with adoption. Some adoptees may feel a sense of obligation or desire to adopt children themselves, feeling connected to the process of adoption due to their own background. On the other hand, some adoptees may feel a strong desire to establish a biological connection and may choose to have biological children as a way to foster that sense of connection. For others, the decision may be to have both adopted and biological children, allowing them to experience and nurture both sides of their identity. However, for some adoptees, the trauma or challenges associated with their own adoption experience may lead them to decide against having children altogether, as they may feel unequipped to navigate the complexities of raising a child, whether biological or adopted. And for some, the decision to have children or not is not influenced by their adoption experience; instead, it is shaped by external factors and personal preferences unrelated to their background. Ultimately, the choice of whether to have children is unique for each adoptee, with many factors at play, including personal history, emotional readiness, and the desire for connection, either through adoption, biology, or both.
Health and Medical Care
As adoptees grow older, health issues and medical care become more significant. A common frustration is the inability to fill out medical history forms due to a lack of information about their biological health background, leading to fears about inherited conditions. Due to these fears, many adoptees seek healthcare providers who share a similar background or understand adoption-related issues as this fosters trust and empathy. Adoptees may also face barriers in healthcare, especially when race or adoption status complicates their interactions with providers, potentially leading to mistreatment due to a lack of awareness. It’s vital for the healthcare system to increase representation and understanding to better support adoptees’ physical and emotional well-being.
Accessing mental health care can be a unique challenge for adoptees, as many may struggle to find therapists who understand the complexities of adoption-related issues. Feelings of identity confusion, abandonment, or trauma can often go unaddressed if a therapist is not well-versed in adoption-related concerns. Additionally, adoptees may face difficulty expressing their experiences in therapy if the mental health professional lacks cultural sensitivity or an understanding of the adoptee’s racial background. The need for therapists who are equipped to navigate both the emotional and psychological aspects of adoption is crucial, as adoptees often require specialized support to address the layers of grief, attachment issues, and identity struggles that may not be immediately visible.
Genetic testing is a deeply personal decision for many adoptees, often met with mixed feelings. Some adoptees feel a strong pull toward discovering their biological roots, driven by curiosity about their medical history, the possibility of connecting with biological relatives, or simply wanting to add context to their adoption story. For them, testing could provide answers about their early months before adoption or perhaps fill in gaps they’ve always wondered about. Others, however, have no interest in testing, feeling content with their life and not wanting to revisit the past or uncover unknown connections. For these adoptees, there’s a sense of comfort in not knowing, allowing them to shape their own narrative without the weight of biological ties. Ultimately, the choice to engage in genetic testing reflects a wide range of personal motivations, fears, and desires, all of which are shaped by each adoptee’s unique experience and preferences.
Job/Career
For some adoptees, the desire to give back to the adoption community is a powerful motivator, leading them to pursue careers in education, advocacy, or social work. These adoptees are often passionate about using their personal experiences to help others navigate the complexities of adoption, whether through offering support, raising awareness, or working toward policy change. They may find fulfillment in jobs that allow them to advocate for adoptees’ rights or improve adoption systems, such as becoming a therapist or working in non-profit organizations. Common fields that adoptees often gravitate toward include medicine, law, psychology, research, and education, where they can use their skills and experiences to contribute to society in different ways. On the other hand, not all adoptees feel compelled to pursue a career directly related to adoption. Some are drawn to fields that lie outside of this realm, focusing instead on their individual passions and interests. Whether an adoptee chooses to center their career based on their personal background or not, the choice is deeply personal and requires reflection on their individual goals, interests, and the role adoption plays in their identity.
General Resources
For adult adoptees seeking to connect with others who share similar experiences, there are numerous online resources and communities that offer support and foster meaningful connections. The Park Adoption Community Center’s website offers a wealth of resources on culture, mental health, LGBTQ+ issues, race, and more. In addition, The Park hosts an adult adoptee retreat, Beyond Adopteen, which is dedicated to fostering community and creating meaningful connections among adult adoptees. Similarly, many social media accounts host vibrant communities where adult adoptees can find solidarity and share their stories. Accounts like @adoptee_thoughts and @adopteevoicesrising on Instagram create spaces for adoptees to express their unique perspectives and experiences, offering both a sense of belonging and advocacy for adoption-related issues. Websites and online organizations are another way for adoptees to connect virtually, and these resources can provide adoptive parents education as well. The Center for Adoption Support and Education (C.A.S.E.) offers specialized adoption-competent therapy, case management, support groups and other educational resources. Similarly, Families Rising offers support groups while the National Council For Adoption provide educational resources for adoptees and adoptive families. Engaging with these resources and platforms not only helps foster personal connections but also empowers adoptees to raise their voices, connect with others who understand their journey, and access resources that support their well-being and advocacy efforts.
