by Zoe Roane-Hopkins
I’m not usually inclined to go on spontaneous trips half-way across the country to hang out with a bunch of strangers. So naturally, when my younger sister Grace asked me if I wanted to join the Beyond Adopteen trip in Colorado, which, “by the way, is in like two weeks,” I waffled for a good while. I pondered my personal history of social awkwardness, and my introverted tendencies. Will people think I’m weird? No, they’re not like that, Grace assured me. Am I too old? Also no, you’ll be fine. What about—you know what—never mind, yeah, let’s do it.
Two weeks later, I found myself standing in a Denver parking lot with a gathering horde of adoptees. I looked around as friends chatted and folks ran around checking everyone in and loading luggage. For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel so short. Eventually, everyone was accounted for. We piled into three big white vans (plus a few cars) and headed into the Colorado mountains. As I climbed into the nearest van and took a seat, I felt my phone buzz with a text from Grace, who was one van over:
“You’re doing great, sweetie!!”
“Thanks ‘Mom’” I replied.
Although Grace had been involved with Adopteen for several years and I’d heard a little bit about her various escapades, this was my first Adopteen trip and I had no idea what to expect. I got to know my van mates and watched out the window as buildings gave way to mountains and pastures. Lively chatter in our van slowly died down as we dozed off, tired from our early-morning travels.
After arriving at Silver Cliff Ranch and getting settled in our cabins, we gathered in the main lodge for icebreakers. This may have been the first time in my life that I actually enjoyed icebreakers. I think the trick is that everyone has to be into it.
The weekend was a blur of adventurous excursions, great snacks, and even better conversation. We went horseback riding, which ended in the pouring rain. We went whitewater rafting, which started in the pouring rain. We explored Buena Vista and ate s’mores around the campfire and sang to the strumming of my travel-sized ukulele. We had classes in dance and mixology, both taught by fellow adoptees. And the rain continued its pathetic efforts to try to diminish the beauty of the weekend.
Every chance I got, I talked to someone new. At dinner, in the van, waiting in line to be assigned horses. A beautiful mosaic of adoptees living in the adoptee diaspora began to emerge as I learned more about my new friends. I noticed that a lot of us are in fields where we are helping people, solving problems, and creating joy. Teachers, social workers, therapists, human resource specialists, nurses, EMTs, engineers, designers, aspiring police officers, yoga instructors and so many more that I have forgotten because I have a terrible memory. Some of them live twenty minutes from my house. Some live across the country. We swapped stories about travels, significant others and pets.
I loved that this Beyond Adopteen experience made space for reflection as well as celebration. On our second night, we gathered for a workshop on attachment style with a therapist, who was an adoptee herself. Afterward, we divided into small groups. Each group was instructed to write down questions on a posterboard to discuss. They could be questions about anything, but most were about our experience as adoptees. We picked questions at random off the posterboard and talked at length.
I had never been in a space like this before, so full of trust and understanding, with just my fellow adoptees. We held space for each other, listened intently, and talked openly about experiences that resonated with all of us.
Heavy thoughts and feelings were allowed to take up space in the most comfortable way. This intimate, casual, and deep conversation felt so important. It wasn’t a cathartic release of an emotional dam, but more like a gentle reminder that we are all valid with our experiences and that we are not alone. Juggling grown-up life can often leave little room for personal introspection, and I’m thankful to have had this time with fellow adoptees to step back from life together and reflect.
Our final night was an all-out party. We stayed up late swimming in the geothermally-heated pool, playing games, laughing, and talking about whatever. I bought an Adopteen hat, participated in an impromptu yoga session, and tried not to think about the fact that I had work on Monday. Being with this adoptee community felt so wonderfully different from every other group activity I’ve participated in. And I realized that’s because there’s a part of ourselves that we only get to be when we’re in community with other adoptees. I’m not sure what to call it, or even how to describe it. Maybe it’s the culmination of every internalized experience that we tried to explain to someone but felt dismissed or not fully understood. Or the what if’s and whys that we all carry. It’s every conflicting feeling swirling inside us. It’s the space we occupy between two worlds and the new space we create for ourselves. When we are all together, we recognize that, hey, you got all this inside of you too. I get you. Let’s eat some instant ramen.
Thank you to everyone who worked to make Beyond Adopteen possible!
