By: Summer Dolatta
For many of my teenage years, I unconsciously avoided the deeper sense of cultural and natal displacement that came with being a Chinese-American adoptee. During the spring of my senior year of high school, the years of avoidance had reached their climax, forcing me to take a medical leave of absence for the remainder of the year. During this period, I was confronted by what I learned to be my anxious attachment style. I spent my spring break in daily Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) sessions, isolated in the experience of early childhood abandonment. All I hoped for in this period was to make contact with my biological mother. Afterwards, I was certain that finding my birth mother would be the first step to healing this sense of displacement. I registered for Adopteen Washington D.C. hoping it would give some insight into the process of making contact with my biological mother. Spoiler alert: It gave me so much more.
At Adopteen, I was overwhelmed by the tenacity my fellow adoptees retained within themselves. On the first night, my roommate heard my cries outside of our dorm room. The Camp Director, Chloe, The Park’s Executive Director, Amy, and my camp counselor, Lian, were all by my bedside within a minute. I confided in them my enduring sense of abandonment and feelings of being “unchosen.” In this moment, their words soothed me like the sacred words that I thought only my biological mother could possess. I decided to stay the night.
On the second day, I sat on the American University lawn, furtively searching for early flights home. Amy remained by my side as a safe, steady support despite my insistence of wanting to go home early. I stayed one more night.
The support came from all sides. My camp counselor, Lian, was integral to my transformative experience at Adopteen. Late into the night, she imparted deeply powerful words, profoundly changing my core beliefs about myself. I shared with her the song Carry You Home by Alex Warren and likened it to her own actions at Adopteen, “carrying me home” from what felt like an eternally impotent state of being.
In a conversation with another camp counselor, Paige, she reassured me that “adoptees do, in fact, get married” (a reality that I was beginning to challenge), as she was recently engaged (and is now married!). Several other volunteers I met throughout the week—all Adopteen alumni—were also married! My sense of abandonment had made me feel “sick” and alienated, unworthy of lifelong partnership. But Paige helped me recognize that my abandonment as a child is not something to be ashamed of, but an accolade for my unique lived experience. Paige is an embodiment of beauty and grace and is one of the reasons that I embrace my Asian identity today.
What Amy and Art Zhong have created through Adopteen has ineffably transformed lives. My summer spent with Adopteen was a profoundly healing experience that could never be replicated outside of the Adopteen community. Now six months removed from this impactful summer, I cannot understate the profound power of connecting with this unique community.
