By: Maddie Gustafson
Introduction
The first five years of life are crucial for shaping the foundation of identity development in adoptees. During this time, a child’s understanding of themselves is primarily influenced by their parents, as they have not yet entered school. The experiences parents encourage play a significant role in how adoptees begin to view themselves and their place in the world. At this age, children may not fully understand the complexities of their adoption but can absorb the experiences and messages their parents provide. Whether or not adoption is openly discussed, parental influence can have a lasting impact on how adoptees begin to form their identity.
Questions Adoptees May Have
At age five, adoptees are starting to develop a deeper understanding of themselves and the world around them. Often, this can prompt them to ask questions about their identity and adoption. As an adoptee starts to notice physical differences between themselves and their parents, they may ask “Why don’t I look like you?” as they become curious about why they don’t share similar features. The question, “Where did I come from?” reflects the child’s developing awareness of their origins and the desire to understand their place in the world. “What does adoption mean?” is another question that often emerges, as children try to grasp the concept of adoption and what it means for their relationship with their adoptive family. This question often arises as the adoptee processes the differing family dynamics and their place within the family. These questions, though simple, are an important part of an adoptee’s growing sense of self. Adoptees at this age are just beginning to form their identity, so how parents respond can help shape the child’s understanding of their adoption and foster a positive, secure sense of identity.
Events
Cultural Involvement
Cultural involvement plays a significant role in an adoptee’s sense of identity, offering opportunities to connect with their birth culture and heritage. Activities such as dance and language classes, heritage camps, or celebrating cultural holidays can provide valuable exposure to the traditions of their birth culture. However, access to these activities often depends on factors like availability, location, finances, and transportation, which can limit participation for some families. For adoptees who enjoy their involvement, the activities provide a meaningful connection to their heritage, fostering a sense of belonging within a community of other adoptees or individuals with similar backgrounds. These experiences can be fun and affirming, helping adoptees feel understood and supported. On the other hand, some adoptees may dislike these activities, feeling that they are inauthentic or disconnected from their lived experience. They might feel self-conscious, as if these events highlight their differences or make them stand out. For others, there may be no clear or direct connection between the activities and their personal identity, leaving them feeling detached or uninterested in embracing aspects of a culture they haven’t fully experienced. Ultimately, cultural involvement can be a powerful tool for connection, but it’s important to recognize that each adoptee’s experience is unique, and their reactions to these activities may vary based on personal feelings, needs, and understanding of their identity.
Conversation About Adoption
Open conversations about adoption are crucial in shaping one’s sense of identity, particularly for transracial adoptees, where racial differences between the child and adoptive parents make adoption more visibly apparent. The more adoption is openly discussed, the more normalized it becomes, offering a positive foundation for the child to understand their background and build a healthy sense of self. When adoption is not openly addressed, it can lead to feelings of confusion, betrayal, and distrust. Without this open dialogue, adoptees may struggle to connect with their birth heritage, and in turn, negatively impacts their identity development. Parents who approach adoption with transparency and openness help to ensure their child feels secure in their identity, knowing they are loved and supported regardless of their background.
Sibling Relationships
The dynamics of sibling relationships can play a significant role in an adoptee’s sense of identity. Having one or more adopted siblings can be especially helpful, as it provides the adoptee with someone to connect to and relate with — someone who understands the complexities of adoption in a way that biological siblings may not. This shared experience can create a sense of camaraderie and validation for the adoptee. On the other hand, if an individual has no other adopted siblings, there can be a sense of isolation, particularly if the parents treat their biological children differently. This can lead to feelings of being unwanted or unimportant. However, when parents treat all their children equally, regardless of whether they are adopted or biological, it fosters a nurturing environment where each child feels valued and secure in their identity. Ultimately, the way siblings are treated can have a lasting impact on an adoptee’s self-esteem and sense of belonging.
Parent Resources
Incorporating an adoptee’s birth culture into their life can play an important role in shaping their identity. However, it’s essential to recognize that not all adoptees may be interested or comfortable with these experiences. As a parent, it is important to involve your child in their birth culture as early and as often as possible, while also respecting your adoptee’s preferences. It’s a delicate balance between encouraging cultural engagement, recognizing the value it can have in their identity development, and respecting their feelings if they’re not ready or interested in participating. If an adoptee resists, parents should acknowledge these feelings without judgment, understanding that not every child will embrace their birth culture immediately, and that’s okay. Additionally, acknowledging the complexities of adoption, including the more difficult or painful aspects, is vital in providing a well-rounded, authentic understanding of their journey. This openness allows adoptees to feel supported as they navigate their cultural identity and relationship to adoption.
For those looking to get involved, there are many programs available to help families explore their adoptee’s heritage in a supportive environment. Heritage Camps for Adoptive Families and Joyous Cultural Club Day Camps for Adoptees offer opportunities for the entire family to connect with the child’s birth culture. Cultural classes, such as dance, art, or language, can also provide adoptees with a way to learn about their heritage alongside other adoptees, creating a sense of community. The Joyous Cultural Club (located in Colorado at The Park Adoption Community Center) offers specific classes for Chinese adoptees, fostering a sense of belonging and cultural pride.
In addition to camps and classes, families can bring an adoptee’s heritage into the home through everyday activities. Celebrating cultural holidays and traditions can reinforce a connection to the adoptee’s birth culture. Incorporating traditional foods, music, or learning key phrases in the child’s birth language are simple yet meaningful ways to celebrate their heritage. These activities allow the child to experience their culture in a familiar, inclusive setting while also creating family traditions that honor their background.
Ultimately, while it’s important to provide opportunities for cultural engagement, respecting your child’s individual journey is just as crucial. Offering space for the child to process these aspects of their identity at their own pace ensures they feel supported, not pressured. Moreover, acknowledging the complexities of adoption, including the more difficult or painful aspects, is vital in fostering an authentic understanding of their story and helping them navigate their cultural identity with confidence.
